disappears into emptiness with a thousand new disguises. —Rumi
When things fall apart in your life, nothing makes much sense anymore. The shock can make you feel as if you are in exile from the rest of the world. In the past few years, I spent a lot of time picking up the pieces of a shattered life, recovering from a sudden exit by my long-time partner a few weeks before our wedding.
This site is part of my effort to reconnect and to rebuild my tattered trust in people. As commonplace as breakups are, I was still blindsided and knocked low by the shock. I did not know what hit me. The betrayal brought on the worst pain I had felt in my entire life. I had no idea a human being could hurt so badly.
Searing pain penetrated every cell of my body; I felt tormented by demons that had lurked around the edges of life, but were now front and center; doubts and fears that had been covered by love and affection scorched every fiber of my trust and vulnerability.
I did a lot of meditating and inquiry, reading and talking to others, caring for myself and trying to understand what was happening as I fell apart. In the process, I learned a lot about recovering from this unrecognized, underrated trauma.
When despair most threatened, I found that the solace of shared experience helped keep an ember of my badly tattered trust alive. I realized that sharing my struggles might be useful to other people, and that gave a sliver of purpose to what otherwise felt like meaningless suffering.
So, I offer this site as a resource. I hope you find something here that helps you make your way through heartbreak, knowing that hands of grace are at work with you — even in the most difficult times.
If you find this site helpful or want to know more about my work, please check out my books:
Embrace of the Daimon chronicles the breakthrough of compelling, yet repellent daimonic imagery in years of worldview fragmentation before my husband’s death. I set the experiences in a Jungian framework, suggesting the “dark feminine” forces of the psyche are key to integrating body/mind and spirt.
Love and the Mystery of Betrayal: Recovering Your Trust & Faith After Trauma, Deception and Loss of Love was written for those who are struggling to recover from betrayal in love or wanting to help someone going through this life-shattering time. In its final pre-publication stages. (Join our list for pre-publication ordering.)