- More information on trauma and betrayal
- Recommended websites
- Trauma practitioners
- Books and CD’s on trauma
- Trauma treatment centers
- Online trauma support
More information on Trauma and Betrayal
Bessel van der Kolk is a renown trauma expert who has spent his professional life studying trauma. This talk is long (1hour&20minutes), but well worth listening to for his overview, experience and background reflections on treating trauma.
The Science of Heartbreak on The Science of Heartbreak website:
Articles & Posts:
Understanding Relationship, Sexual, and Intimate Betrayal as Trauma (PTSD)
Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S
“…their trust and belief in the person closest to them has been shattered. For a healthy, attached, primary partner, the experience of profound and/or unexpected betrayal can be incredibly traumatic.”
How to Approach Reclaiming Control Over How You Feel
“Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is a normal reaction to an abnormal experience. If you’ve survived a trauma and feel you are different than you were before, you’ve come to the right place. After a trauma life can become full of post-traumatic stress as a survivor experiences Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms, including nightmares, insomnia, flashbacks, rage, emotional numbing, hypervigiliance, hyperarousal, depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and avoidance.”
A Revolutionary Approach to Treating PTSD
“Acknowledging and reflecting the protagonist’s emotions like this — what van der Kolk calls “witnessing” them — is a central part of the exercise, meant to instill a sense of validation and security in the patient.”
The Ultimate Pain: Recovering from Trauma
“But the shame is worse for the perpetrators. They took their own victim shame and tried to place it with someone else. They unconsciously thought that would be easier than feeling it. But the shame multiplied. And now the pain is worse.”
Trauma Survivors and Thrivers: Life After the Veil Has Lifted
Deanna Doss Shrodes
“…once you encounter trauma, it’s like a veil is lifted from your eyes whereby you see the world differently…”
How Survivors Define PTSD
by Michele Rosenthal
“How survivors define PTSD is different from anyone else who’s only read but not experienced what PTSD feels like.”
Understanding psychological trauma
Rubert de Cesaris
“But the most destructive traumas are interpersonal (i/p), as opposed to accidents or acts of nature, precisely because the victim has been dehumanised, used and abused.”
3 Lessons PTSD Treatment Teaches About Stress Management
Julian Ford Ph.D.
“Chronic stress, like PTSD, can make anyone feel like they’re going crazy,..”
Why Should We Dance?
Christina Devereaux Ph.D, BC-DMT
“participation in dance/movement therapy may stabilize the sympathetic nervous system and improve psychological distress. Studies have shown that dance, in particular, can decrease anxiety and boost mood more than other physical outlets…”
Why Shame Is Triggered Just When You Start To Feel Good
Suzanne Lachmann Psy.D.
“Understanding shameful flashbacks to trauma…part of what evokes shame is that it was an experience that feels unresolved, and is shrouded in secrecy and torment….Do not lose sight of the limited outlets you had at the time to cry for help and express your pain and anger..”
10 Surprising Facts About Rejection
Guy Winch Ph.D.
“We know that rejection really hurts, but it can also inflict damage to our psychological well-being that goes well beyond mere emotional pain.”
Dumped? 10 Healthy, Non-Masochistic Ways To Heal
“Ice cream, alcohol, meaningless hookups: the go-to antidotes for a bad breakup are often about distraction rather than relief. What’s more, they tend to injure more than assuage, as if the breakup itself didn’t cause enough pain. “
The Worst Kind Of Betrayal
Lissa Rankin M.D
“If I had to choose the form of betrayal that emerged most frequently from my research and that was the most dangerous in terms of corroding the trust connection, I would say disengagement….”
How do you pick up the pieces of a broken heart?
From someone in the midst of the worst of it.
Healing From a Broken Heart
Georgianna Donadio, MSc, Ph.D., D.C.
Quoting Dr. Fisher, she says that romantic love is “really a drive — a powerful, primordial, primitive drive to attain lives ultimate prize — to win love.”
What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted? Soul Loss and Recovery
“What are the symptoms of soul loss? “On a visceral level, we all know how soul loss comes about. We suffer pain or trauma or abuse, we are overwhelmed by grief or guilt or shame, and part of us goes away because it doesn’t want to stay in a world that seems so harsh and cruel”
The 5 Stages of Emotional Triage for the Divorced, Betrayed, Broken-Hearted, and Discarded
Dr. Andra Brosh
“When it comes to abrupt endings related to love, the experience is very similar to being the victim of a blunt force trauma. The symptoms are the same, and your functioning drops to the level of someone who needs to be hospitalized and treated for injuries.”
A Medea or A Saint?
Cheryl Fuller, PhD
A Jungian analyst looks at Elizabeth Edwards’ situation in light of Medea.
Why the Pain of Romantic Rejection Feels Like a Punch in the Gut
“Researchers have recently found that emotional pain — feeling either rejected or sad, or grieving over a lost loved one — can tap into the same nerve networks that give pain its negative tinge.”
Why Lying Broken in a Pile on your Bedroom Floor is a Good Idea
Julie (JC) Peters
“You know that feeling when you have just gone through a breakup, or lost your job, and everything is terrible and terrifying and you don’t know what to do, and you find yourself crying in a pile on your bedroom floor…”
Why the Pain of a Broken Heart Mimics a Heart Attack
Rita Watson MPH
“The research shows that heart break registers in the same areas of the brain as physical pain.”
PTSD. Discussing the mental & spiritual causes and solutions.
“PTSD is a spiritual problem, and those who experience it require a spiritual rebirth. To have it they must let go of their ego and give themselves completely to God. He will reward them with a new mind, a new spirit, and a better life.”
Trauma Therapists and Practitioners
If you can afford it, I would recommend you find someone who is trained in trauma therapy, and specifically ask if the person has experience working with the psychological/ emotional trauma involved in abandonment/betrayal/infidelity/divorce.
Check out this article by Michele Rosenthal, trauma survivor, “Tips on Choosing the Right PTSD Professional” http://www.healthyplace.com/
Somatic Experiencing developed by pioneer in trauma studies Peter Levine has been helpful to me. Retraining your nervous system to release the fight/flight/freeze response we get stuck in with PTSD. Find practitioners here.
A simple and proven effective method, Rapid Eye Movement Desensitization (EMDR) is a short-term therapeutic technique that is said to help both sides of the brain thrown off by the trauma to synchronize and calm the nervous system. It is worth trying. There are many people trained in this technique, but again, it is helpful if they have experience with close interpersonal shock.
The International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation has a list of member practitioners that can be searched by country, state and zip code. If no results, try searching by your state only.
Books and CD’s
Bessel van der Kolk’s latest book “The Body Keeps the Score” (2013) is an important book for understanding trauma, accessible to practitioners as well as people seeking to heal their own trauma.
The classic, pioneering work on trauma “Trauma and Recovery” (1992) by Judith Herman is a must-read, especially for her discussions of domestic violence and rape.
Another, more approachable, book I recommend is “Overcoming Trauma through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body” (2011) by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper.
Yoga and meditation were essential for me for quieting my mind, reclaiming my body and having the physical and emotional stamina to work through the trauma past and present held in my body. Here is an article explaining trauma-sensitive yoga by the author of the book: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rob-schware/yoga-therapy_b_3586447.html And here is a short video explanation.
Belleruth Naperstak’s “Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal” (2006) explains how helpful guided imagery can be for some people to help heal the traumatized brain.
I also recommend Belleruth’s powerful, soothing, transformational CD: “Guided Imagery to Help With Heartbreak, Abandonment & Betrayal”
You might also consider David Berceli’s, “The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process” either the book or one of the many CDs he offers. He outlines a simple, tested somatic releasing method you can do on your own that can be somewhat helpful. I found taking the one-day workshop that is offered by trained facilitators helped me get the hang of the exercises. Not a quick fix, but exercises to help release the freeze response.
I am not personally familiar with any treatment centers for PTSD, as I only worked with local therapists and healers myself. But here are two articles that list the most highly regarded PTSD treatment centers.
http://www.facebook.com/TraumaAndDissociation The Impact of Trauma – as explained by the APA – more info on http://www.dissociative-identity-disorder.net/wiki/Trauma http://twitter.com/TraumaDID for more
Michele Rosenthal’s website: www.healmyptsd.com
Information on trauma & dissociation www.dissociative-identity-disorder.net
I hope these resources get you started to find the help you need.